You Gotta Claim That Fuckin Trophy, Mate.

My friend Nico came and sat on one our amps after last night's show at the Echo. Noticing that I was the only member of my band tearing down, he asked, "Where's your drummer?" I explained to him that I felt uncomfortable after shows and needed a few minutes to let the post show vulnerability wear off. The feeling is akin to leaving the podium with your fly down after a speech or bumping into a parent in the house of your date on the morning after. Furthermore, the unwritten tried and true Summer Darling post show formula is I tear the equipment down while the rest of the members go smoke cigarettes and mingle with friends and fans. Sometimes these trajectories intersect, but on this night they did not. So Nico comes across sweaty post show me tearing down by himself and not knowing the SD protocol, assumes I've been dealt a shit hand. Upon my explanation he bluntly asks why. Why do I feel uncomfortable? I told him some sarcastic thing about having heard too many "good show" comments in my life time.

I thought he'd laugh it off, but instead he grew very serious and explained to me that a good show accolade by a friend or fan after a show was like a trophy. These people wanted me to be successful. They wanted me to accept their award graciously yet confidently. By dodging all the "good show" comments I was effectively ditching the trophy. And Nico then explained how confused and agrovated the public would be: "We tried to give him the trophy but he just kept putting the fucking thing down. We don't get it." He ended his diatribe by telling me to claim my trophy because if I didn't believe I deserved to be successful then why would anyone else?

I definitely needed a drink after that one.

Upon loading up after the show I reflected that I found it easy to gloss over the fact that self confidence is different than arrogance and that constant deference toward congratulations were a backwards form of pride. And why the fuck not shouldn't I claim my trophy? I'm sure I'm not the first balding bearded thirty something indie rocker to realize they need to put a little more belief in themself, I'm just the latest.