No More Words

I was on-top-of-the-world-drunk last night. It's a great place to be; feeling socially invincible and just so so happy. For as great as I felt then, I felt the most profound sadness of my entire 30 years on this planet Saturday afternoon at Jon Glyer's memorial service. After an hour of it, I remember begging God and everything that's holy on this rock spinning through space to please let it end. If that makes me a bad person, than so be it; I just couldn't take anymore emotion. I cried harder and longer in those two hours than ever before in my life.

Shamefully, perhaps, on my part, I wasn't crying so much for Jon as I was for myself and those around me. There were so many heavy things said by his friends and family, so many life changing moments shared, so many avenues for my mind to travel down, all of which ended in heart break. I was broken hearted when I got dumped by my high school sweet heart, but that was a different kind. That one healed. The broken heart I experienced on Saturday is all encompassing, a drop of poison in my well. The more I think about anything, the sadder I am becoming.

What is this life? Am I to be a slave to my emotions forever? I don't know the answer to that question anymore than the other terrifying questions Jon's death has resurfaced inside me. On our drive back from the service, Heather and I were alternately holding hands and wiping residual tears from our sun bleached eyes, and "Let It Be" came on the radio. Now contrary to popular belief, Heather and I are not prone to singing aloud in the car. But in that moment, a moment where I couldn't take any more questions, and as cheesy as I knew it was, we belted along with ol' Paul, "There will be an answer, let it be."